So, Muse have a new single, the above, Uprising. Well, where to begin?

First of all, kudos to Muse for actually producing a song with such depth, intellectually, socially and politically. Most singers don’t bother – after all, why should they when they can always sing about a disco stick instead? It’s good to see, it shows that somebody famous is paying attention.

Now, for analysis. Well, this is a tricky one. Some parts are quite specific, others are vague enough that they could refer to either end of the political spectrum, or bang on the middle. But my interpretation is as follows.

The paranoia is in bloom,
The PR, the transmissions, will resume,
They’ll try to push drugs to keep us all dumbed down,
And hope that we will never see the truth around,
SO COME ON!

Quite obviously referring to a propagandising and domineering government. The drugs comment perhaps refers to people who question the government often being referred to as nutjobs, or perhaps they even went all out and it refers to the Swine Flu vaccination that so many people are going ape shit over – using the Vaccination (and some of the related, and rather appalling, laws that have already been passed in some areas) to cover up a bigger and much more threatening agenda. Which is a reasonable conclusion – we have already seen that Swine Flu is not a serious threat, it’s no worse than any other flu and the hype is down to the media – the paranoia, PR and transmisions, perhaps.

Another promise, another scene,
Another package not to keep us trapped in greed,
With all the green belts wrapped around our minds,
And endless red tape to keep the truth confined,
SO COME ON!

Well the first two lines appear to be a reference to socialist agendas; taking what you have “for the greater good”. “For the greater good” of course being the promise, which never seems fulfilled. Green belts is a fairly clear reference to Environmental Policies, which serve more as a vessel to restrain us and unfairly tax and fine us, without really looking at the available information regarding the evidence for and against the theory of dangerous anthropogenic climate change. Endless red tape, of course, refers to the various barriers to anyone willing to talk about the truth of the matter, which results in ridicule even for PhDs. As usual, a minority can suggest a moronic doomsday scenario and it doesn’t matter if the majority disagrees, the damage is done as the tabloids will always go for sensationalism. If all else fails, talk about Jordan’s silicon beach balls.

They will not force us,
They will stop degrading us,
They will not control us,
And we will be victorious!

Well, surely, any of us Americans should recognise exactly what this means; that we will only be pushed by our Government so far before we push back. And we will most certainly push harder. America has already won one revolution where the odds were much worse – I sincerely hope that folk in the UK, France, Germany, Russia, Canada, Australia, Belgium, Denmark, et cetera – everywhere being plagued by this socialist bollocks – will do the same.

Interchanging mind-control,
Come, let the revolution take its toll,
If you could flick a switch and open your third eye,
You’d see that we should never be afraid to die,
SO COME ON!

The only thing new this really adds, I think, is a reference to the fact that the people of a country should never be afraid to take control away from a government that has failed to represent them; freedom is something that you sometimes have to fight for, sometimes have to die for. But it’s worth the risk and your sacrifice will never be forgotten, so it’s not something to be afraid of.

Rise up and take the power back,
It’s time that the fat cats had a heart attack,
You know that their time’s coming to an end,
We have to unify and watch our flag ascend!
SO COME ON!

Self explanatory, methinks. The fat cats probably referring to the political, rather than corporate, fat cats. Namely, that they need to stop thinking in their best interests and start representing the people. Or what? You’ll probably find out, if things don’t make a change.

Something worth noting: there are 435 members of the House of Representatives, and there are 100 Senators in the United States. There are 300,000,000 Americans, approximately. That makes 535 people employed by 300,000,000 people. Would you fire them? They are just your employees, and you can.

In the UK there are 1,386 members of parliament to about 60,000,000 British people. Y’all also have to remember, perhaps more than we Americans, that they are your employees. They are only in charge because you haven’t opposed them being in charge.

“Peace”

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/article6211101.ece

What a crock, filthy bastards. Reckon that I can tick a box for them to delete my spam emails, if they’ll be reading them anyway? Hell, maybe they’ll appreciate all the viagra, penis enlargement and porn spam people get daily – I’m sure they could use it.

Interestingly, they’re also talking of phasing in the ID card scheme in Manchester (IIRC). Voluntarily, at first, of course. But I gotta say, the day some whitecollar bitch shows up at my door with an inkpad, cotton swab and a camera is the day I become a felon.

I’ll leave you with this.

Come, you masters of war, you that build all the guns
You that build the death place, you that build all the bombs
You that hide behind walls, you that hide behind desks
I just want you to know I can see through your masks

You that never done nothing but to build and destroy
You play with my world like it’s your little toy
You put a drug in my head, then you hide from my eyes
Then you turn and run farther when the fast bullets fly

Like Judas of old, you lie and deceive
A world war can be won, you want me to believe
But I see through your eyes and I see through your brain
Like I see through the water that runs down my drain

You that fasten all the triggers for others to fire
Then you sit back and watch while the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansions while yound people’s blood
Flows out of their bodies and is buried in the mud

You’ve thrown the worst fear that could ever be hurled
The fear to bring children into this world
For threatening my baby, unborn and unnamed
You ain’t worth the blood that runs in your veins

How much do I know, to talk out of turn?
You might say that I’m young, you may say I’m unlearned
But there’s one thing I know, though I’m younger than you
Even Jesus would never forgive what you do

Let me ask you one question; Is your money that good?
Will it buy you forgiveness? Do you think that it could?
I think you will find when your death takes its toll,
All the money you made will never buy back your soul

I hope that you die and your death will come soon
I will follow your casket in the pale afternoon
And I’ll watch as you’re lowered into your deathbed
And I’ll stand o’er your grave ’til I’m sure that you’re dead

Ok those aren’t my final words – these are. The immortal words of Joker.

I’m still in a world of shit, yes, but I’m alive, and I’m not afraid.

Iron & Wine

Those who know me best are undoubtedly aware that sometimes I hear a song, and feel the urge to make everyone I speak to hear it, too. These are two of the most touching songs I have ever heard, and therefore, once more, I must instantly tell all. In a similar vein, I also will sometimes feel the need to write said song out in full. Not because I’m bored, but rather to hear it better. It makes sense to me, so shut up. Anyway…

Iron & Wine – The Trapeze Swinger

Please, remember me happily,
by the rosebush, laughing with bruises on my chin
The time when we counted every black car passing your house
Beneath the hill and up until someone caught us in the kitchen with maps
A mountain range, a piggy bank, a vision too removed to mention
But please remember me fondly
I heard from someone you’re still pretty
And then they went on to say that the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti like “We’ll meet again”
and “Fuck the man”
and “Tell my mother not to worry
And angels with their great handshakes, but always done in such a hurry
And please remember me at Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbours, our faces painted white
By midnight we’d forgotten one and other
And when the morning came, I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world and then returned
And now you’re lit up by the city
So please remember me
Mistakenly in the window of the tallest tower
Call, then pass us by
But much too high to see the empty road at happy hour gleam
And resonate, just like the gates around the Holy Kingdom
With words like “Lost and found” and “Don’t look down”
And “Someone save temptation”
And please remember me, as in the dream
We had as rug-burned babies among the fallen trees, and fast asleep
Beside the lions and the ladies that called you what you like
And even might give a gift for your behaviour;
A fleeting chance to see a trapeze-swinger
High as any saviour
But please remember me, my misery
And how it lost me
All I wanted, those dogs that love the rain and chasing trains
The coloured birds above there running in circles round the well
And where it spells on the wall behind St Peter
So bright on cinder grey in spray paint
“Who the hell can see forever?”
And please remember me seldomly
In the car behind the carnival, my hand between your knees
You turn from me and said the trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last
The clowns that passed saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs
The parking lot had an element of danger
So please, remember me, finally
And all my uphill clawing, my dear
but if I make the pearly gates
I’ll do my best to make a drawing of God and Lucifer
a boy and girl
An angel kissing on a sinner
A monkey and a man
A marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swinger

Passing Afternoon

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon
Summer warmed the open windows of her honeymoon
And she chose a yard to burn, but the ground remembers her
Wooden spoons, her children stir her bougainvillea blooms
There are things that drift away like our endless numbered days
Autumn blew the quilt right off the perfect bed she made
And she’s chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings
Sunday pulls its children from their piles of fallen leaves
There are sailing ships that pass all our bodies in the grass
Springtime calls her children til she lets them go at last
And she’s chosen where to be, though she’s lost her wedding ring
Somewhere near her misplaced jar of bougainvillea seeds
There are things we can’t recall, blind as night that finds us all
Winter tucks her children in, her fragile china dolls
But my hands remember hers, rolling round the shaded fern
Naked arms, her secrets still like songs I never learned
There are names across the sea, only now I do believe
Sometimes with the windows closed, she’ll sit and think of me
But she’ll mend his tattered clothes, and they’ll kiss as if they know
A baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone

Farewell.

Feminism, revisited

I read an article the other day, in the Scotsman. It was, actually, an interview with Feminist writer Fay Weldon. To be honest, I thoroughly expected a manhating spiel about how oppressed and unfortunate all women are, and how all men are devils. On the contrary, her statements seemed very well thought out and very reasonable. She made a soft jab at the stereotypical militant feminist, saying:

“I haven’t turned my back on feminism. In this country it is so well under way that women use feminism as an excuse to hate men. It seems an unnatural state of affairs, this mutual antagonism between men and women whose interests and whose physiologies are so different. I think women have enough power now.”

She also ascertained that men are being feminised and women are being masculinised, and not only is it subtracting from both gender, she even hinted at the deeper danger it causes:

“If Islam attacks we apologise for not showing due respect. We behave like battered wives, anxious to placate, wondering what we can have done to deserve the blows and promising to try not to offend next time. It’s dangerous – submission will just make matters worse.

“Feminised, we rely on negotiation, goodwill and invisibility to see us through. Other, still masculinised states, with their pride, stubbornness and belligerence – China, Iran, North Korea, Russia and the US – rely on their armies. Mind you, in the US the gender switch currently trembles between male and female. If Obama and Biden win, the nation’s feminised and rendered amiable and vulnerable. If McCain and Palin win, maleness continues to triumph and we’re safer. Take your pick.”

VERY fair points, in my opinion. This woman clearly has her head screwed on straighter than most of our politicians.

Lastly, and my second favourite quote (first being the last mentioned) from this article:

“Women are strong enough to face up to the difference. There was a time when positive discrimination was necessary, when you didn’t point out that five days out of every 28 women were in a state, and before that, emotionally in a state. It’s time one acknowledged it and looked at the statistics, which say that female absenteeism is 20 per cent greater than male absenteeism in the workplace.”

“It’s linked to the 28-day cycle. What does this do for equality in the workplace? If you put this into it, then the wage gap is not so astonishing.”

Lastly, two further quotes from Weldon, from her books.

“Men are irrelevant. Women are happy or unhappy, fulfilled or unfulfilled, it has nothing to do with men” – Down Among the Women, 1971

“The New Women! I could barely recognise them as being of the same sex as myself. They are satiated by everything, hungry for nothing. They are what I wanted to be; they are what I worked for them to be: and now I see them, I hate them” – Praxis, 1978

People and groups of people for which I hold nothing but disdain: The Asshole Strikes Back

Howdy folks.

I figured it was time I continued my rant. So, down to it.

Managers

People who assume that “Professional” applies only to whitecollar jobs

The Welsh

Liberals

Parents who ignore their children

Parents who force crap on their children

Parents who are generally just shite.

People who think that powerful cars are overcompensation

Fashionistas

Post Modern Artists

Manhaters

Womanhaters

British Politicians

Most politicians, but largely not as much as british ones.

Religious Fundamentalists

Neds

Jocks

Anyone who’s on benefits who genuinely does not need them.

Those against the death penalty

Vegans

Vegetarians who think that everyone else should be, too

Vegetarians on principle

Traffic Wardens

Almost every religion and religious denomination

Committees

I’m bored now . . .

Peace

People and groups of people for which I hold nothing but disdain

I started making this list to my darling fiancee and I feel that I should keep track. So, here goes.

Bizarre perverts
Religious fundamentalists
Religious extremists
Racists
Ethnic minorities who constantly cry “racism”
Liberals
Militant feminists
Basically ANYONE who constantly plays the discrimination card
People who support “positive discrimination”
Guys who wear pink
Guys who bleach stupid patterns into their hair
Pro life people
Creationists
Liberals (It deserves being mentioned twice, it’s not just the inbreeding kicking in)
Singers who think that just because they CAN belt it, they have to, or their family will die
People who want to abolish the right to bear arms, AKA, Liberals
Smackheads
Crackheads
People who try to be controversial
People who try to be individual
People who try to be individual by saying that there’s no such thing as individuality
People who try to conform
Straight people who say they’re bi
Bi people who say they’re gay
Straight people who say they’re gay
White people who think they’re black
People of ANY ethnic minority other than black african or black caribbean who think they’re black
People from a disadvantaged backround who go oooon and ooooon about it
Communists who think they’re being realistic
Communists who realise they’re being unrealistic
Middle class teenagers who think that living on a shitty wage is easy, because they ignore the fact that their parents pay for everything.
Mark Hamill
Any stupid wanker who talks about the “rights” of rapists or paedophiles
Anyone who is against the public and lengthy torture of rapists and paedophiles
Anyone who is against the right to kill someone who is breaking into your house
Anyone who is against the right to kill someone who is threatening your loved ones
Bitches who think fighting with a knife is anything other than pathetic acts of a pussy.

I’ll add more later.

W00t.

Hillbillies and chicks from Galway

Howdy y’all!

I have a new favourite hillbilly. His name is Steve Earle. While this does imply that I’m at least a little bit inbred (which isn’t a shock, I am a southerner. Just kidding southerners. Y’know I love your music, food and adorable disdain for all that is not southern) I’m choosing to embrace the fact. Go look him up on youtube. Galway Girl and Copperhead Road rock my admittedly awesome socks right off.

Peace.

Feminism pt 2

I feel I should clarify.

I am not a misogynist, I don’t feel that women should stay in the kitchen and men should be the breadwinner. I don’t feel men are superior. I think that men and women are equally vital, and neither is inherently superior or inferior. However, I do think that men and women are very different, and anyone who thinks they’re the same is deluding themself. And I do think that men should be ‘gentlemanly’, holding doors open, allowing the lady to go first, standing up for them, offer their seat on a bus or whatever and so on. But that’s just me.

Those who do not support the troops

Howdy.
There are a lot of folks out there who don’t support the war in Iraq, or Afghanistan. I don’t really care. Why the hell should I? I’m a freedom loving yank, it’s your opinion, and I’m happy to live in a country where you can voice that. Hell, it’s your duty in a democracy to oppose political actions which you feel to be inappropriate; if you didn’t, what the hell is the point?

However, it’s also your god-damn duty and just common fucking decency to support the troops who fight for your right to piss and moan. If you don’t support democracy, then give up the rights it allows you and shut your god damn mouths at the very least. Whether they’re fighting in Afghanistan, Iraq, Russia, Georgia, Viet Nam, American soil, British soil, and whatever the Government’s motives, it doesn’t matter. It’s you they’re fighting for. You who spit in their faces when they come home. You who call them baby-killers. Y’all who march against them, stage protests a stonesthrow from their funerals. You who disrespect and condemn them at every turn, with absolutely no idea what shit they have to go through every day to try and ensure your safety and freedom. Y’know, I’ve spoken to vets who have been spat on (and this is by Americans, not in other countries) as they were wheeled into hospital after being injured in the line of duty. And y’know, they don’t just fight for you, they die for you. Parents have lost children for you. Hell, children have lost parents for you.

If you want to condemn the government that sent the troops in, fine. If you want to yell about how Bush should be strung up by his bollocks, fine. If you want to say the whole damn system is corrupt, fine, I could NOT give a tiny fucking rats ass. But for fuck sake, support the troops, or back the fuck into the darkest corner you can find, should you disrespect them around myself.

Pandas, Panda Sex and Panda hor d’oeuvres

As anyone with at least one hemisphere is aware, Pandas are a very endangered species, and conservationists are blowing gaskets left and right trying to get these furry buggers to get down to making baby pandas. And it’s not working. You see, Pandas are very difficult to make breed in captivity.

Firstly, a few reasons why:

1. Panda sex must be utter shite.
2. Maybe they don’t consider a zoo to be romantic enough. After all, who the hell wants to bump uglies in front of a bunch of snot nosed kids eating ice cream cones and throwing sweets at you?

I think those points are fair and objective. So, being a level-headed, concerned citizens, I have a few suggestions for the conservationists out there.

1. Help the fuckers out! Make the panda sex better! Maybe some light local anaesthetic for the lads so it lasts a bit longer for the lady pandas.
2. Spice it up! Give the poor pandas some privacy, for one. Get some bamboo out there in a nice dressing, candles, maybe crack open a bottle of merlot (I prefer a good rosé, but what goes with bamboo?). Stick on some Barry White, even. Get the gent a tux, the lady a red dress. If that doesn’t work, what will!?

My next point. What are some of the most common animals on earth? Cats, dogs, sheep, cows and chickens. Why? Cats and dogs, because people like them as pets. Sheep, cows and chickens, because people use the skins or sheep and cows, the wool from sheep, plus eating all the little fuckers. So then we have one obvious solution!

Step one, make panda pets! Every house should have one. Put the babies on keyrings! They’d be lovely christmas presents. Step two – Panda and pasta. I don’t know if this would go well, so maybe we could try a different side. Maybe shoots, just as a bitter irony. They’d be breeding left and right. Take THAT, extinction!

Thank you for reading,
Your fabulously intellectual, world saving, conservationist mocking
Overlord.